Me? At school I often go insane.
Friends are like my constant remedy:
Always there when I need to explain
Fears and my curiosity.
ME? at SCHOOL i OFten GO inSANE
FRIENDS are LIKE my CONstant REmeDY
ALways THERE when I need TO exPLAIN
ANger AND my CUriOsiTY.
I am a bit confused which of these two versions is your final one, as your capitalised one differs slightly from the other - but I will assume the second one is the one you intended, so I will comment on that.
ReplyDeleteYou're showing a confident grasp of this difficult rhythm, and you should be very proud of what you are achieving here. All the more reason, therefore, to stretch yourself even further now, and spend a little longer refining what you write to make it even better.
Line 1 is great, and I love the way you use the trochaic rhythm so effectively, by starting with the one word sentence, "Me?" What you've done here, whether you realise it or not, is use a technique called a "caesura", which we will explore more fully when we get on to sonnets.
Line 2 works perfectly as trochees; my only quibble is why you need a simile, when a metaphor would have been SO much better. Why can't your friends BE a remedy, rather than being relegated simply to being LIKE a remedy?
Line 3 is the only place your trochaic rhythm falters. I think "need" needs to be stressed, rather than "I". Do you see what I mean? Can you rewrite this line to take account of that? I don't want to give you suggestions. I would rather see what you come up with.
I like the enjambement into Line 4, and, once you had changed it from "fears" to "curiosity", the trochaic rhythm works perfectly. Well done!