A Wishful Torture + openings

Part:1

The 7th opening had to be the most intriguing, and mind babbling opening of the texts. I loved how it starts of confusing the reader, this is really effective because it draws in the readers, almost forcing them to continue reading. The reason why its so confusing is because, it starts of with a tragedy like mystery. We are left wondering what happened to that mam? how did he get into this state?

The diction gave a very good picture of what was happening. "colourful mixture of spit, snot, urine, vomit and blood" I could easily tell from this description, he was hurt badly and the situation is devastatingly bad. The reason why I chose this opening is because, with out revelling  to much they gave a perfect picture of what was happening, and made me want to unravel the mystery that was behind the accident.

Part: 2

It's nearly 12am, and im still waiting for that call. I knew it was a foolish thought! a girl like me short, straight plain black hair that consumed most of my face, and that stupid freckle that sits nicely in place and mocks me. Should of listened when they told me I was heading for heart break. 

The silence of the room, doesn't help with the tension. Neither do the millions of faces plastered all over my walls, I have everyones face except for his. The one thats putting me through all this pain! Since his prense i've been through all hell, and torture. All because I believed this one wish, and to my misery he was to be part of it. But tonight, this call will determine everything thing, if all this hell was worth it!

The darkness consumes me and all this thought of hatred and torture surronds me. The only source of light, is the golden turing lamp, with the animal cut outs. Its almost like the shadows are chasing the light, just like im chasing my wish. But how could I forget, this day, this moment all started with the golden lamp........

Task 6: Travel Literature

This week, I am going to ask you to experiment in a genre usually associated with non-fiction (although there have also been plenty of fictional accounts): travel literature.

Just like the others this term, your task will consist of two parts; however, unlike the other tasks, which will predominantly deal with genres with which you have some familiarity, your success with this task will depend massively on how much you are able to learn from Part One - and how much you are able to demonstrate what you have learnt when you write your own piece in Part Two.

Part One

Mrs Gougeon will put on the weebly all FIVE EXCERPTS from famous and successful pieces of travel literature. You need to READ them carefully, CHOOSE which one you thought was the most effective of its genre, and EXPLAIN, in some detail and with examples (i.e. quotations), why you made your choice.

This is your chance to identify some of the most successful ingredients of good travel literature - e.g. witty anecdotes, figurative descriptions etc. - in order that you can try to embed those very same techniques in your own travel writing in Part Two.

Part Two

First of all, you will need to DECIDE on your subject matter. Unless you have spent the last 12-16 years locked 24/7 in a darkened room, you have all travelled considerably, whether it be internationally, nationally or just in the local area. And it is important to realise that good travel literature does not need to be about some exotic location: one of my favourite pieces by American travel writer, Bill Bryson, is simply about a small section of the Central Line on the London Underground.

Then, using some of the techniques you have observed in one/some/all of the excerpts I have sent you to bring your writing to life and engage and sustain the interest of your reader, you should WRITE (approx) 300-400 words in which you describe an episode from one of your own travels. N.B A tip: don't try to write about an entire holiday, as you will, inevitably, end up just skimming the surface; a brief episode, a particular segment of a journey, one chance encounter - these are ample around which to base such a short piece of travel literature.

The DEADLINE for this task is midnight on Saturday 1st June 2013.

Finally, here is my attempt:

When I was 21, I nearly died.

It was only on 31st October 1996, from the tectonic safety of a house I shared with another trainee teacher, the right side of the walls of H.M.P. Wakefield, home to some of the country's most dangerous and violent criminals, that I first realised quite how close I had come to extinction just under a year earlier. A brief item towards the end of the news mentioned that Gunung Merapi, an active (and, evidently, rather angry) volcano in the middle of the Indonesian island of Java, was erupting. Burning ash was raining down on houses on the mountain's flank, after part of the lava dome itself had collapsed earlier that day.

January 1996. In hindsight, certain details should have spoken louder to us, as we unpacked our rucksacks in the Merapi View hostel the night before our ascent: the eery absence of life emanating from almost all the houses we passed as we strolled around the village upon arrival; the still raw, lifeless canyon carved where half the village had been only two years previously; the fact that the puddles by the side of the road were all bubbling! The incessant plume of smoke from the summit should have warned us that someone was definitely at home; and the distinct absence of any vegetation whatsoever around the entire peak should have made it perfectly clear that visitors were definitely not welcome.

Was it the arrogance of youth? Or the naivete of the foreign traveler? Perhaps we were guilty of exactly the same disrespect we had villified in the hoards of tourists who scaled the holy arc of Uluru in Australia the month before? Deaf to common sense and blind to our own mortality, we duly rose in the middle of the night, donned our waterproofs and walking boots, and joined our brave guide as he took us on the three hour hike to the treeline. Had the sound of the rain abated, had our feverish pace slackened just for a moment, I might have called out to him, and asked him if this was really safe.

However, to be honest, the blackened stumps which spiked the grass as far as the eye could see gave me my answer; as did the thunder which shook the mountainside several times during our climb and descent. For it wasn't thunder. At the end of the news item back in Wakefield, the reporter explained, in sober tones, that the recent eruption was, in fact, nothing more than a continuation: Gunung Merapi had actually been erupting constantly since late 1994.

Note to self: if in close proximity to the fiery peak of an active volcano, walk the other way.

An Eternity + Openings

Part I

     I really found the seventh opening really fun to read, it holds a mystery behind the words and it left me thinking, 'what had happened to this man?' It had held a conversation between himself and the flight attendant, so I was given a personal window into the story. The description of his face and torso was really interesting; it gave me a really good estimation on how this would have looked like.

     In the end, when he had said, ‘I look around for anything I might have with me, but there's nothing. No ticket, no bags, no clothes, no wallet. I sit and wait and I try to figure out what happened. Nothing comes,'’ it somewhat makes me feel like he had been moved to another place, like Chicago, for his own good, or for a mission. It also seems like he has faced amnesia, somewhat.

Part II

     Getting into trouble was the only thing I could get an A* for. Usually, I would be tortured for several minutes, but now I could be tortured for days, I had done something really dreadful to get me into this mess, but I shouldn't tell you because you may be targeted after they finish me off.

     It was midnight, and I was busy hiding myself between two buildings, it smelled horrible. Why didn't I pick another stupid alley? I quietly shivered in the coldness, even though I was sweating madly. I had been running for hours. I heard a sudden click towards my right and I quietly mumbled a curse, or two.

Click...

     His shoes dragged shadows and his arms dragged blood. His sneer glistened ever so brightly under the dazzling moon's rays as if  he seemed so thrilled to say, "have a wonderful time being tortured," to my bloodied up face.

     I gulped when I could feel he had stopped and when the air had tensed around me. I shut my eyes and a split second later, I could feel his coldness seeping into my skin. When I slowly opened my eyes, I saw that his clothing was ripped as if he had fallen into a gigantic blender. Everything he wore was black, and the semi-dry blood on his top had made his scent strong. The stench was disgusting.

     He slammed the gun into my ribs and I nearly choked.

"Have a pleasant time being tortured by my men. I can't wait to hear your screams in the shadows."

     Well my wonderful readers, I'm about to be tortured soon, and the only thing I can say to you is: don’t wish you can live for an eternity; it too as a matter of fact, has its downsides.

Death Solstice: Opening

Part One

★★★★

In my opinion, the purpose of a story’s opening is to set the scene, and the best way to do so is through imagery. Within the ten openings, I believe that number three had the better imagery as it revealed vivid colors that are easy to imagine as well as surprising contrast choices that are presented extraordinarily well.

The line that captured me the most was “black crows gorge on bright mangoes”. My first impression was that black crows and bright mangoes are not compatible as crows are known to feast on rotten leftovers or dead carcasses. The choice of the bird crow seems unexpected but it also foreshadows further into the story as crows symbolizes both magic and deception, whereas the mango fruit signifies an eternal love. This presents a pleasantly unsettling mood as the readers envision a pitch black splotch on a bright love story.

★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★★

Part Two
★★★★

The colorless sky, no gray, nor blue, held the ardent, gleaming sun as its core; it mocked me. I felt the noon time ravens glare holes into me with their deep white eyes, threatening me.

A summers day terrorized my very existence; its heat enough to make me bawl.

I tasted the sweetness of my saliva accompanied by the common saltiness of sweat; an overwhelming yet familiar bitter sensation. Licking my lips, I laughed so subtly.

Then my body moved accordingly.

The cicadas sang to my steps as I waltzed past a blistering red light. Nothing could stop me; not even myself.

Laughing so coldly, tears streamed down my pale cracked skin, falling into an uncontrollable leer, trapped in a meaningless chortle.

A discriminating impact destroyed my questionable sanity. An indescribable rustic red stained the ashen reality I lived in; my walls crumbled under the pressure.

Exposed to a new world, I closed my eyes. Lying on a crossroad, I smelled the heat; a sour numbness choked my senses.

A scream; a crowd; a corpse; an endless routine.

Then I awake.

In a silent bedroom, an inharmonious heart beats. 00:00, June 21^st. It was the summer solstice; a death solstice.

Devilish Little Creatures - Openings

1

I think that the seventh opening is the most effective because it is engaging. Sometimes, an introduction to the character can be effective, but novels that tell you more and more as you go along keep you hooked, as you want to know more.

As far as we are aware, he knows as little about where he is as we do. This puts us in his shoes and engages us by making us empathise with him – a little.

The structure of the sentences also helps to engage the reader. It breaks certain grammatical expectations: “No ticket, no bags, no clothes, no wallet.” This short, sharp structure makes the novel fast-paced, less dreary, and therefore more engaging.

2

I try not to drink the dirty water splashed onto my face. I can’t blink out the liquid in my eyes. And I’m not sure that’s water.

My brain suddenly wakes up at the sharp pain in my legs. They’re being stretched out. The skin is starting to rip, showing arteries beneath. The agony is indescribable.

“Are you going to talk?” Torture is not often done monotonously. This guy obviously loves it, though.

I grimace and breathe through my teeth. One foot is ripped off. My scream is just a shriek of utter despair.

“You can’t cope much longer, you know.” He turns around. The darkness still shrouds him. “Everyone has a breaking point.” My other foot has gone numb.

Sweat rids my face of the water. The agony persists.

“I don’t care. You’re not getting anything!” I scream the word “thing”. Although I don’t, my ears have a breaking point.

The stretching slows down. The agony is increasing so fast I can’t scream.

“Who are you?” Whimpers often get you the most attention. He still doesn’t care, though.

“That’s why you’re here.” He swivels around, slowly. “That’s what you told Jenny.”

Jenny! “What have you done with her?”

I can only see his mouth. It grins sadistically. “She’s safe.” The grin turns into a smirk. “For now.”

I writhe uncontrollably. “Let her go, you freak!” I yell again. The yell echoes around the metal room. My ears ring, pleading for quiet.

“Do you know who I am?” I don’t care. I just want this to stop.

“Who?” I wish I hadn’t asked that. I would have rather died. He stands up and walks into the light.

“No.” He walks to me.
“No!” He looks over me.
“NO!” She smiles.
Jenny.

The Tyler Hike Recording(s) (Openings)

Openings

Part 1

To me opening 7 appealed to me, I mean don't you want to know what happened to the man and what is going to happen to him? It opens up the story in a abrupt but interesting way and the description of the state of the man is attention grabbing. The rapid fire conversation going on between the flight attendant and the protagonist is enough to tell you why the protagonist was in there but not enough to slow down the pace set by the opening. The short closing of the opening (or prologue?) is enough for me to want to know what is going to happen to him and what has happened to him.

Part 2

I can't die. Are you happy now? I've said what you wanted me to say.

No?

Still listening to me?

Yes?

So you want to know what happened and what I know is going to happen?

So to clarify the "I can't die" statement let me explain who I am and what I am.

I'm immortal and invincible, trapped forever in my bodily age of seventeen, though I'm technically twenty two right now as of this recording. My name is Tyler Hike though I didn't remember that at the beginning, just after I woke up, after I escaped from you. I know you're just documenting me and that the more secretive side of your agency will handle the data afterwards and they want to know what I've been doing from my own view, even when you know everything. In case you don't know the project and specimen, which is me, was called Zeus. Power and Invincibility packed into one package, one body. No matter what happens come explosions or gun fire, I'd just knit myself together again, well more specifically the things in my blood. They'll heal me no matter what happens. I could push my self to the limits and beyond because of the things in my blood. I'm no longer human, I'm better than human, better than you. But you're going to keep me locked up here because I'm tired of fighting, tired of running, tired of escaping. You may laugh at that but I don't really care since it's true.

So I'm going to tell you everything I have seen, everywhere I've been, everything I've done.

But let me warn you I don't give a damn about anything you can do to me, since you can't kill me, not since I killed Heckler. Now I'm just going to tell you about everything. I'm not going to do anything to help me escape.

At least not yet.

(I went over the limit at 319 words but is that fine?)

Task 5: Fantastic Fiction

Much of the best prose is, in itself, poetic, and it would be a sad mistake for you to ditch all you learnt over the past few months in writing fiction this term, as many of the techniques (even rhyme and meter) can sometimes be applied to prose too.

After this introductory task, the rest of this term will work through a number of different genres, with each task challenging you to embrace another genre but to do so with panache, flair and originality. Every submission should be between 200-300 words (any shorter and you will not be able to develop your skills to the full; any longer and not only will it become harder to moderate, but you will also be in danger of waffling).

But first the introductory task...

Mrs Gougeon has put a .zip file which contains 10 OPENINGS to different novels on the English department weebly (under "Home"). Unzip the file (let me know if you need guidance on how to do this) and read the openings carefully several times. Then your Task 5 consists of two parts:

1. Decide which opening you like the most and regard to be the most effective. Once you have done so, in one paragraph (approx 100 words) explain/justify precisely why you have made that choice. This part of the task is VERY important, as it sets the perameters for the second part.
   
2. Now you must write your own OPENING to a novel. This should consist of 200-300 words which could begin your own piece of fiction. Your moderators, as well as discussing with you your choice for Part (1), will assess your own opening according to a) how well it meets your own criteria identified in Part (1); and b) how effective an opening it is according to their own opinion. As usual, they will comment on the main strengths and areas for development in your piece of writing.

The deadline for your submissions (which must be LABELLED, and must also have a TITLE of your own choosing) is midnight on Saturday 18th May.