Part 1
I found the extract Old Glory: A Voyage Down the Mississippi to be the most interesting and effective because of its use of diction to set the surrounding, and atmosphere. The diction is used very well to create a suspicious and thriller like genre. The suspicion is what grabs the readers attention, because he starts talking about dead racoons. Also the thought that they were no people anywhere to be seen. It gives the reader a chill factor into wondering where they must all be? and what is going on?
The tone of the extract is also quite interesting. The way he talks about the death of the racoons so easily, without a trace of scarce or worry in it.
Part 2
The city was clean, not a single speck of dirt in sight. The people don't look scared one bit, but how can they be they've been hearing these threats for years now. I had that feeling in my stomach that this wasn't a good idea, that this threat was the worst of them all.
Yet here I was going up to the mountain that was the closest point to the Enemy just to see the people. My father joked about how they could see us, and just reach for me and take me away. It wasn't funny, frankly it annoyed me how little he cared about the threats. How little any of them cared!
We drove up the mountain round after round, it only hit me then that I hadn't seen a single animal through out the whole trip. It didn't help with the anxiety of going up there. Seconds felt like minutes, and minutes felt like hours. I was getting sick of the drive, I just wanted to get out and let the cold, breezy air consume me and take me away from this place. Yet I knew this dream, no wish wouldn't come true, who could stop a taxi going up the mountain, it's not like he could even understand what I was saying.
Before I could say anything to my mum about my wish, I saw the building. It peeked beautifully through the winter trees. Shiny black, plastered with clear glass windows and binoculars standing up in every possible gap. I heard my brother say something in their language but i was to overwhelmed to listen. But then he said it again in English "The connecting and observing point". "Connecting" the word practically broke every nerve in my body! my thoughts went screaming all over the place, "can they get me!" "why would they build this place!". My mum put her hand on my shoulder, almost as if she could read my thoughts and said "hes just joking, you can only observe their country here, they wont get you I promise"
I felt only anger at that point, towards my brother. I was so mad that the heat I produced could completely warm me, from the killer ice. The place was so technologically impressive, i nearly got over my paranoia. But the best moment was when i got to see the enemy side through my binoculars they looked so poor and helpless. They were there, there crops looked horrible and this icy weather did them no good. I felt so bad for them, how could their leader put them through all this. At that exact moment I realised why everyone was so calm, South Korea will always have the upper hand, to North Korea. Not matter what it is, even if its the threat of bombing them today. They wont be scared because they've got the US military, they've got the plan, and they've got the leader!
Dear all,
ReplyDeleteThis will be the last task for this year. We will resume in September 2013.
Have a great summer!
Lily of the Valley
Hello Ringmaster,
ReplyDeleteYour Part 1 answer speaks of the suspicion you felt after reading the extract -- what suspicions does the reference to racoons/the extract give you?
Can you also further explain why you find the tone of the writer "interesting": what do you think it adds to the extract, and why do you think the writer has assumed this tone or focussed on this subject matter?
Do put equal time and effort into both parts of any Wordsmithy task, you will find your own writing much more successful if you can clearly identify how other writers create successful pieces.
Your Part 2 certainly creates a few questions for your reader -- something which can be used to great effect, as you realised in Part 1. Do try to answer these questions as you move through your piece to make it easy for the reader to follow, otherwise the mounting pile of questions can create confusion rather than entertainment or intrigue.
Travel writing employs a mix of informative, descriptive and entertaining writing. You have entertainment in your anecdotes about your father's and brother's comments, and you have description of the mountain and the building; what you need is a little more information to ensure the reader understands what is happening, and also fulfil their desire to learn about a country. If you can clarify where you are, who are 'the people',
'the Enemy', and what place you are actually visiting, your writing will be clearer and the other elements of your text will also become more effective.
The way your last paragraph connects your own personal experience of this particular tourist attraction to the reader's general understanding of the country and its politics is a clever way of making a connection with the reader and showing the relevance of your writing to their wider understanding of the world. A successful conclusion to the piece, well done Ringmaster.