Great first two lines: they are definitely iambic pentameters. I wasn't so sure about the last two, because you started on an emphasised syllable.
I know we all speak differently, so forgive me if they sound iambic to you, but I might take another look particularly at the start of each line. You have created what's called a trochaic pentameter: DUMdee DUMdee DUMdee DUMdee DUMdee.
Overall, a great poem that represents the cheetah with all its cunning and passion. Great stuff.
Allspark is right about the iambic meter - you manage it really well in Lines 1-2; it is just Lines 3-4 where it goes trochaic. Make sure you're clear on why this is, so that you can avoid the same pitfalls next time.
I love the alliteration in Line 1 (although it would pounce "on", rather than "to"). However, I wonder if the first couplet (two lines) would be even better using stronger enjambement (when a sentence runs over from one line to the next) - because I am left wanting to know more about those "claws". For example: "Before it pounces on its prey with claws Of fire, the cheetah runs an extra mile." Do you see what I did there? What do you reckon?
My concern with Line 3 is that you seem to have fallen into the 'rhyme trap' somewhat. I can't help thinking that you've talked about the cheetah's "flaw" because it rhymes with "claws", rather than because it makes much sense. Be careful with rhyme: make it work for you, rather than the other way around.
Lots of potential with this task though: well done!
Well done, Narcisuss!
ReplyDeleteGreat first two lines: they are definitely iambic pentameters. I wasn't so sure about the last two, because you started on an emphasised syllable.
I know we all speak differently, so forgive me if they sound iambic to you, but I might take another look particularly at the start of each line. You have created what's called a trochaic pentameter: DUMdee DUMdee DUMdee DUMdee DUMdee.
Overall, a great poem that represents the cheetah with all its cunning and passion. Great stuff.
Thank you for the wonderful comment. I really appreciate it.
DeleteThank you once again.
Allspark is right about the iambic meter - you manage it really well in Lines 1-2; it is just Lines 3-4 where it goes trochaic. Make sure you're clear on why this is, so that you can avoid the same pitfalls next time.
ReplyDeleteI love the alliteration in Line 1 (although it would pounce "on", rather than "to"). However, I wonder if the first couplet (two lines) would be even better using stronger enjambement (when a sentence runs over from one line to the next) - because I am left wanting to know more about those "claws". For example:
"Before it pounces on its prey with claws
Of fire, the cheetah runs an extra mile."
Do you see what I did there? What do you reckon?
My concern with Line 3 is that you seem to have fallen into the 'rhyme trap' somewhat. I can't help thinking that you've talked about the cheetah's "flaw" because it rhymes with "claws", rather than because it makes much sense. Be careful with rhyme: make it work for you, rather than the other way around.
Lots of potential with this task though: well done!