A single soul that grants my every chance
A single soul who only watches me
To be the life that catches my falling hands
I hope to give the same amount of glee
You alone hold the golden key
That unlocks this shattered heart
And releases a damn of a miracle sea
So that makes you top the chart
The friend in friendship
stands alone
The symbol of a unique like bond
To only make miracles like a wand
The one where my secrets flee
And with you it makes a symphony
To only make miracles like a wand
The one where my secrets flee
And with you it makes a symphony
Sorry for the late post, the publish button had an error.
ReplyDeleteThere are some very powerful ideas here, and I love some of your images ("top the chart", "symphony" etc). You explore the theme in a sophisticated way, of which you should be proud.
ReplyDeleteIn addition, in the first couple of lines, you have the iambic meter spot on! So well done on that too, because it is far from easy.
Where I think there is still room for further improvement lies in the consistency of your iambic meter: whilst you manage it in Lines 1, 2 and 4, it slips away thereafter, often with the wrong number of syllables in each line as well as an inconsistent rhythm. Beware also of weaker rhymes: "Secrets flee" with "symphony" is great, but I'm not so convinced you'd have chosen "glee" if you didn't have to find something that rhymed with "me"...
I like that you tried to keep the thread of friendship being a bond throughout all your chosen images.
ReplyDeleteCould this idea of friendship being a unbreakable bond explain your bold choice of a total lack of punctuation?
Message to all: the next task will be posted a bit later than usual so expect some delay, please.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Dam: a wall holding back water
ReplyDeleteDamn: a curse
I'm intrigued by the line 'The friend in friendship stands alone' -- do you see true frindship as a rare and exalted position? Or perhaps you're introducing a hint of this being an unequal friendship, and they are alone in this relationship? Perhaps you're echoing the idea that there can only be one 'at the top of the chart' -- they're the one most important person in your life.