You had disappeared for a year or two,
I still remember how you had soothed me
And the times when we laughed and played the blues,
We would argue, sometimes we would agree.
You were always my cloud's silver lining,
You were always there to brighten my day,
You had a smile that sent my world shining,
I wish you had visited today.
Please come back, we are all waiting for you,
Why, why must we always be miles apart?
When you are with me, the sky is so blue,
But now, it is broken like a sad heart.
If you were there when I needed your aid,
Then my friend, why are you rare like a jade?
My deepest apologies for posting task 4 late, I had network issues... I apologise once more.
ReplyDeleteA fantastic effort. Well done! You've some powerful images here, especially those linked to the sky, and they work well. Your rhyme scheme is spot on, and, for the most part, you've got the requisite 10 syllables in each line. This was a difficult task, and you can be justly proud of what you have achieved here.
ReplyDeleteWhere you are still tripping up a little is on your iambic meter (deeDUM deeDUM). More often than not, you are slipping into trochaic meter instead (DUMdee DUMdee). Have a look through what you have written and see if you can figure out where this has happened?
Don't be disheartened though: impressive stuff!
ah yes... it was my mistake for not reading the task over again. I misread it to be DUMdee and not deeDUM, my apologies.
DeleteWell done, indeed! An impressive achievement.
ReplyDeleteI particularly like how you used rhetorical questions to emphasise the loss of your friend and the special place he/she has in your heart. True friendship is indeed as rare as a precious jewel.
Message to all: the next task will be posted a bit later than usual so expect some delay, please.
ReplyDeleteThank you.
Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteI particularly enjoy lines 2-4. Beginning the line with 'And' works well to emphasise the way you have listed these different facets to your friendship. It creates one large portrait of a friendship in all its good and bad times. The repetition of 'You' in the next lines has the same cumulative effect, and contrasts beautifully with line 8's 'I'.